I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
