Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
