If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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