Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
