Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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