No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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