Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
