When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
