I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
