We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
