I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
