bring money and cleavage
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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