What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
