Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
