i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
