when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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