So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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