apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i think i have two assholes
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
