STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
