I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
