I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
