Yo dont text me then not text me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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