tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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