that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Randomize
