based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
