hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
