There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
