Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
