mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You took a bar mat shot.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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