In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
