I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
