what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
