I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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