Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
babies were throwing up all over the place
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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