I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
