I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
