he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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