I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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