I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
