You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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