and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
