I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
