Having a random hookup so left but love u
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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