I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
