Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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