Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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