so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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