So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
