When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
