I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
