I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
